Friday, September 16, 2011

Veteran Vixen Party

Party Purpose:

To encourage relationships between older and younger women
To grow in wisdom by learning from older women’s stories
To celebrate marital intimacy
To encourage women to serve and enjoy their husbands!

Party Plan:

Before you send out your invitations, it is IMPERATIVE that you first gather some mature veteran vixens who can share their stories with the group. These ladies will be the life of the party, so look for women whose marriages make you say, “Gosh! I hope I can have that kind of relationship with my husband twenty years from now.”

These women do not have to have perfect marriages (none exist), a degree in Biblical hermeneutics, or even a believing husband. They just need to be women who love God, obey His Word, and love their husbands in a way that says, “This is GOOD,” to the world.

This group would also include women who’ve made and learned from their mistakes. Just as long as they hold God’s standards as non-negotiable and obviously respect and honor their men. Personally, I favor marriages where you can pretty much tell the husband and wife still sleep together. These are the people who can give the advice we want.

Now, I realize that these veteran vixens may not be as plentiful as they once were. Pray for wisdom here. Ask God whom you should feature as wise women and see if He brings any ladies to mind. You may also have to be more observant at church and consider women you may not have noticed before.

Are there any cute, gray-haired couples sitting amid the church pews? Know any husbands and wives that hold hands, kiss, or get each other coffee before the service? Is there a Sunday School class for older married couples or widows? A women’s Bible study for all ages? Do any of your friends have parents or grandparents that have impressed you with their love for one another? Did anyone at the office get flowers from her man on an UN-Birthday or UN-Valentine’s Day?

A lot of older people have much to share and would LOVE to invest in us. It’s just that our established cliques and routines can sometimes alienate them or blind us to their importance.

So you make the first move. Introduce yourself. Ask how long the two of them have been married. Get together for tea or coffee and find out how they met. Then, when you have some descent rapport and understanding of their marriage, pop the question and set the party date. You just might get some really neat relationships out of this.

Don’t forget to email your Veteran Vixens the questions you’d like to ask them prior to party night!

Party Itinerary:

These are merely estimates. Remember that encouraging your guests is more important than keeping a strict time table. Facilitate, but don’t be fascist. Also, ask God to help you serve your guests, guide the conversations, and protect the time from gossip or hurtful words.

20 mins - Meet and Greet. Guests get refreshments and sit in large circle.

                       Introduce themselves with their name, how long they’ve been married, and one thing
                         they appreciate in their husbands. Set an edifying tone for the evening.

10 mins -        Ice Breaker Game. Ask Trivia Questions about what the Bible says about marriage and
                        also about sexual intimacy itself. My examples are below.

                      Hand out prizes (Naughty and Nice) to the two top scorers. Don’t bother with pens and
                        paper - it takes too long. Have a three-way tie breaker question, just in case. Just do it by
                        who raises their hand first. Also, have a random Grand Prize by putting a fox cut-out from
                       the invitations under one of the snack plates.

50 mins - The Main Event. Ask your primary Veteran Vixens two or three of the questions you’d
                        prepared. Let them share their stories.

                      Then open the floor to your other guests. You can even encourage their participation by
                        asking the younger Veteran Vixens what they’ve learned in their marriages so far. Let
                        the ask questions. Talk as long as you want!

15 mins - Gift exchange.

5 mins -   Farewell. Remind guests to take a party favor on their way out.

Party Lists:

Veteran Vixen Questions: See Veteran Vixen Email at the end of this post


Your own gift for a specific guest at the gift exchange

Music: Female Jazz/Classy Musicians (Norah Jones, Ella Fitzgerald, etc.)

Decorative pink candles

Sweet desserts (cheesecake, cookies, fruit salad, etc.)

Black plates/Pink Napkins/ Pink Forks

Ice tub/Ice (if using bottled drinks)

Pink Sparkling Lemonade or pink punch with punch bowl & server

Lemons for garnish to the glasses - crystal, if you have them

Party Favors - I used whole bars of good chocolate (various flavors)

Door Prizes:
                Naughty - Chocolate Body Paint - Nutella will do

               Nice - Scented Candle

Grand- Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage
                            by Ed Wheat, MD and Gaye Wheat
                            (GREAT BOOK! Other marriage-building resources can be easily found on

Invitation supplies, if making by hand:
Hole Punch
Black blank cards with black envelopes (thank you, Hobby Lobby)
White Cardstock
2 White Gel Pens
Pink Ribbon
Stamps - see if they have any black/white, floral, or love-themed selections. They had b/w
                   Katherine Hepburn stamps when I went and they looked so dramatic on the black

Ice Breaker Questions: 
I got most of these from the NASB Bible, Intended for Pleasure, and Family Life Radio.

1) What is God’s first command to mankind?
A. Take dominion over the earth
B. You shall have no other gods before me
C. Be fruitful and multiply
D. Love your neighbor as yourself

2) How are women instructed to relate to their husbands according to Ephesians chapter 5?
A. Love and support
B. Submit and respect
C. Cook and clean for
D. Never disagree

3) According to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, who has authority over whose body?
A. Husband rules his; Wife rules hers
B. Husband rules both his and Wife’s
C. Wife rules both hers and Husband’s
D. Husband rules wife’s ; Wife rules husband’s  

4) Why are we wives instructed not to withhold ourselves sexually from our husbands according to 1
    Corinthians 7:5?
A. So Satan will not tempt us because of our lack of self-control
B. So we can check off all our Christian chores
C. So our husbands aren’t antsy
D. Because men are weak and sexually needy

5) Which statement of God’s design for physical intimacy is correct?
A. Men and women are basically the same
B. Women take much longer to be aroused than men
C. Women are stimulated by sight and men view sex holistically
D. It is shameful for a woman to have an orgasm

6) In Deuteronomy 24:5, God commands newly-married men be given a year of military leave so they
A. Give pleasure to their wives
B. Adjust to married life
C. Produce an heir
D. Use their wives for their own pleasure

7) In the Song of Solomon, how does Solomon primarily praise his bride?
A. For her fear of the Lord
B. For her kindness to others
C. For her sex appeal
D. For her hard-working nature

8) To what does marital intimacy ultimately point?
A. Satisfaction of human need
B. Jesus’ intimate relationship with His Bride, the church
C. Children and family
D. True love and tax benefits

9) In order for a wife to fully experience God’s gift of physical intimacy, her husband must stimulate:
A. Her mind
B. Her emotions
C. Her chest
D. Her clitoris*
* a small, pea-shaped organ located an inch above the vaginal opening

10) At what age are women most sexually motivated?
A. Late teens - mid 20s
B. Late 20s - mid 30s
C. Late 30s - mid 40s
D. Late 40s - mid 50s

11) What is Agape Love?
A. A tingly feeling
B. Physical attraction
C. Being “in the mood”
D. Unconditional choice to seek another’s good

12) Which is a barrier to sexual intimacy?
A. Unresolved conflict  
B. Anger and resentment
C. Fatigue                                  
D. Media expectations 
E. Distraction  
F. A full stomach
G. Selfishness  
H. Busy schedule
I. Criticism                                  
J. Lack of trust/safety
K. Anxiety over body image    
L. Failure to communicate
M. Medical problems  
N. Illness
O. Guilt/Shame                          
P. Secrets
Q. Predictable/Mechanical Sex  
R. Absence of non-sexual touch
S. Prioritizing kids over spouse  

Party Invitations:

So basically, fox-themed invitations are hard to come by because the poor creatures aren’t associated with any major holidays. Most of the bachelorette-type invitations I saw were either too pricey, too clichĂ©, or too garish for my taste. Hot pink zebra stripes don’t exactly conjure up the elegant, honorable atmosphere I’d hoped for in this party. I didn’t want to frighten my guests - particularly the matrons of honor. So I decided to make my own.

In retrospect, I think would have been a LOT easier to come up with a design and just print out half-page invitations on cardstock at Staples. But since I rarely do crafty projects, I decided to take the opportunity and make mine by hand.

My respect for anyone who makes handmade cards has shot up about thirty notches. Handmade cards can be beautiful - they just take forever to make. I don’t really consider myself much of a visual artist, but the silhouette cut-out cards turned out rather well. I’m particularly pleased with the classy “white on black” look. The pink bow adds feminine flair, and I’m surprised to admit that Wal*Mart had a better ribbon selection than Hobby Lobby.

Since I wanted the Veteran Vixen party to be an intimate one, I didn’t have to make a million invitations and could therefore spend a bit of extra time on them. My set of 16 invitations took about 7ish hours to assemble.

Maybe you’ll be able to find a printable something you like better online or locate a foxy rubber stamp. It’s all up to you.

Don't forget to include a small note regarding the Gift Exchange. I listed three gift selections for my guests to choose from: A) Bath and Body, B) Candles and Ambiance, and C) Neglige. I also listed an RSVP Gift Exchange date (a couple weeks before the date of my party so I could text/facebook/email people their gift assignments). So, if Jane, Suzy and Liz wanted Neglige, I could just ask Jane to get option C for Suzy (with Suzy's measurements/color preferences gathered from her RSVP), Suzy to get option C for Liz, and so on.

Does that make sense?

Sample Email to Veteran Vixens of Honor:

Hello Ladies!

A few months ago, I attended my up-teenth lingerie shower and came away thinking, “Wow. That stuff was cute! Too bad I can’t cram into my lacy PJ’s anymore…” Five years and three babies can really do a number on the figure.

Then I had a thought: Wouldn’t it be fun to celebrate marriages that have moved beyond the honeymoon? Maybe refresh that stockpile of scented candles or add something special to the silk-drawer? And what if we added a dash of wisdom to the event?

In a culture where nearly half of all marriages (even those of Christian couples) end in divorce, I am grateful to God for your examples of faithfulness. My friends and I need your wisdom.

Bible Studies rarely discuss The Song of Solomon or the specifics of marital intimacy through life’s seasons. Sometimes, we associate the “duty” we have to our husbands with checking off a chore rather than enjoying God’s design -- His chosen metaphor for His relationship with the Church.

My goal for this party is to celebrate our calling not only as responsible wives but as faithful vixens. That’s where you come in.

We need your stories of how God has kept you faithful to your men through the years. We want to know how to maintain a godly relationship and how to serve our husbands sexually through newborns, toddlers, busy schedules, teenagers, empty nests, and beyond.

I would be honored if you could join us at my house on ...  I’ll be handing out a formal invitation describing details of the gift exchange (with a choice of music/candles, bubble bath/lotions, or lingerie) in the next couple weeks.

I’d also be obliged if you could scan the following questions so you won’t be totally caught off-guard during the informal Q&A portion of the evening. These are just examples, but if you’d have anything else you’d like to share, feel free to bring those stories too!

What attracted you to your husband when you first got engaged? Married?

What are two or three things you’ve done to nurture your relationship through the years?

How has your view of marital intimacy changed through the seasons of marriage?

How did you discuss/experience changes in sexual intimacy through pregnancy, babies, young children, older children, etc.?

What seasons of physical/mental/spiritual/emotional change have had a bearing on your relationship with your husband, sexual and otherwise? What should we be prepped for?

How do you maintain an obedient attitude when you’re “not in the mood”?

Any advice to women who do not physically enjoy their husbands on a regular basis?

What mistakes have you made in the area of physical/relational intimacy? What has God taught you through them?

What was the best advice you ever received regarding all the above?

Any funny bedroom/honeymoon stories?

Discuss Biblical submission.

Okie dokie. I think that’s about all my relevant thoughts at the moment. If any of you have further questions, or can’t make the date, or would prefer to attend but not be a speaker, please lemme know soon.

Again, thank you! I think this’ll be a swell party. And should you think of it, please pray for the hearts of those coming as I’m pretty sure Satan would love to wreck it.

This is gonna be fun!

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